well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
