I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
