I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
