if i can run in heels then i can drive
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
