Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
