Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
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