i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
