my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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