I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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