how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish you could order shots online.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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