i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
