If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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