i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
