Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
