Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
