actually, I'm a sock model
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
