my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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