so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
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The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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