She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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