Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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