What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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