I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize