he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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