I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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