never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
