drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
