ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
