I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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