She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
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No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
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I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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