Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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