my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
