my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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