Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
