I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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