I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
