so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
