im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
