Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
