Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
