he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
