you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
