Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
