remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
