So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
