I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
