Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
