I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
sarcasm needs its own font
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
