honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
