WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
smell my finger.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
