Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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