My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
