I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
