my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
