and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
