I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
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Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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