you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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