Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
