he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
