And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Success! We fucked roommates!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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