apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
