Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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