I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
