i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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