I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I believe in your delicious
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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