oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
