I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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