We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
