i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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