This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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