Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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