no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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